DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for
being successful. You vote people into office that put a tax on your
cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people
you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your
neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbara Streisand sings for you.
REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So? ......It's
not your fault he didn't stay in school. Never-the-less, ultimately you
take pity on your neighbor and see that his children have milk, while
you encourage him to accept responsibility for his situation and to work
hard to acquire his own cows.
SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to
your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
COMMUNIST: You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides
you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.
CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull,
and build a herd of cows.
DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you
to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country
who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government takes
them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then
pours the milk down the drain.
AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to
yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the 2 cows to
produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops
dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have
downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.
FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want
three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.
JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are
one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce
twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded
trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.
GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are
all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a
hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately, they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows but you don't know where they
are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for
lunch. Life is good.
RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have some vodka. You count
them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count
them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn
you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of
vodka. The Mafia shows up and takes over how ever many cows you really
POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed
and killed attempting to milk them.
FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have a black cow and a brown cow. Everyone
votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like
the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote
at all. Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the
NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose
which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from