Geppetto runs into his beloved Pinocchio at the mall one day.
He asks how things are going. Pinocchio stammers "uh... well
I have problems... with my girlfriend. You know? Splinters".
Geppetto chuckles fatherly, winks and says "sandpaper, my boy.
A month later he runs into Pinocchio again and asks how's it going
with his, er, problem.
Pinocchio asks "what problem?"
"You know, with the girlfriend (nudge nudge)" Geppetto says.
"Girlfriend?" Pinocchio says. "Who needs girls?"