Even if you aren't a skier, you'll be able to appreciate the humor
of the slopes as written by a New Orleans paper:
A friend just got back from a holiday skiing trip to Utah with the
kind of story that warms the cockles of anybody's heart.
Conditions were perfect...12 below zero (-24 C), no feeling in the toes,
basic numbness all over...the "Tell me when we're having fun" kind of day.
One of the women in the group complained to her husband that she was in
dire need of a rest room. He told her not to worry, that he was sure
there was relief waiting at the top of the lift in the form of a powder
room for female skiers in distress. He was wrong, of course, and the
pain did not go away. If you've ever had nature hit its panic button in
you, then you know that a temperature of 12 below doesn't help matters.
With time running out, the woman weighed her options. Her husband,
picking up on the intensity of the pain, suggested that since she was
wearing an all-white ski outfit, she should go off in the woods and no
one would even notice. He assured her, "The white will provide more than
So she headed for the tree line, began lowering her ski pants and
proceeded to do her thing. If you've ever parked on the side of a
slope, then you know there is a right way and wrong way to set your
skis so you don't move.
Yup, you got it!!! She had them positioned the wrong way. Steep
slopes are not forgiving...even during the most embarrassing moments.
Without warning, the woman found herself skiing backward, racing through
the trees...somehow missing all of them and onto another slope. Her
derriere and the reverse side were still bare, her pants down around her
knees, and she was picking up speed all the while. She continued
backwards, creating an unusual vista for the other skiers. The woman
skied back under the lift and finally collided violently with a pylon.
The bad news was that she broke her arm and was unable to pull up her
ski pants. At long last her husband arrived, putting an end to her nudie
show, then summoned the ski patrol. They transported her to a hospital.
While in the emergency room, a man with an obviously broken leg was put
in the bed next to hers. "So, how'd you break your leg?" she asked,
making small talk. "It was the stupidest thing you ever saw," he said.
"I was riding up this ski lift and suddenly, I couldn't believe my eyes!
There was this crazy woman skiing backward, out-of-control, down the
mountain, with her bare bottom hanging out of her pants. I leaned over
to get a better look and fell out of the lift." .............. "So,
how'd you break your arm?