Virus Warning: Missus
Date of Joke: Saturday, 13th December, 2003

Description
Missus manifests as a female humanoid providing cooking/cleaning features, and a sitting-room/TV it is a remote hijacker, targeted at unsuspecting male humanoids. There may be problems with pop-ups.

Variants
Girlfriend 1.0 was the first variant, targeted at mycash.com, later versions of Girlfriend exploit the same resources using more sophisticated methods.
Live_in (any version) uses different profiles and is targeted at mywayoflife.com.
Missus 2.7 is the current variant in which the cooking/cleaning/nookie features are much less effective but the resource consumption is two orders of magnitude greater

Also known as
SWMBO, 'er indoors, the totty, the little woman.

Distribution
The Girlfriend variants have sometimes been bundled with got-drunk, went clubbing and chatted_up_sister's_mate. The parasitic forms (Live-in and Missus) are invariably self-installing, exploiting any firewall deficiencies to immediately grab Administrator privileges and closing out any other Administrator access.

What it does Missus is a blended threat and operates phased attack:
1. It progressively closes all access to any competing products.
2. It grabs access to all available resources
3. It uninstalls the "toys and gadgets" folder completely, and then reprogrammes the firewall to block any related addresses.
4. It installs "soft furnishings.dll" and "redecorate.vxd" (the virtual driver being recursed on a 12-month cycle).
5. It closes down un-wanted processes like pubnight, havefun, watchfootie etc.
6. Having achieved the above it spawns new sub-processes to consolidate its control.
7. It may install parasitic programmes and spyware like In-Laws 1.0

Privacy violation
Only for the first few months - after that it prohibits any violation of its privacy.

Security issues
Yes, your security of title and tenure is severely threatened by the prospect of CPA.VXD.

Stability problems
Very unstable - prone to spontaneous breakdown without cause. Recovery only possible by allocating ever more resources and granting greater privileges. These steps are non-reversible.

Removal
Generally regarded as impossible, although some have succeeded through faking death or assuming a new identity.

Links
Only for the first few months - then discouraged or prohibited.


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