Going to Hell
Date of Joke: Tuesday, 23rd July, 2002

So, there's this lawyer who dies and goes to Hell. The lawyer sits in the waiting room for hours, then Satan finally gets to him.

"Welcome to Hell," Satan says. "Have you decided what your Hell is going to be yet?"

The lawyer, confused, says, "Well, no. What do you mean?"

Satan replies, "Well, we have different types of hell based on your life experiences. You were a lawyer, right? Well, you need to choose between Door A and Door B. Go ahead and think about it. I'll be back in awhile to hear your decision."

Well, the lawyer gets up and opens Door A. Inside is a courtroom where the judge is yelling, slamming his gavel, and ruling against every case the poor lawyers inside present. The clients are wailing, the lawyers are crying; it's just terrible!

"Hmm," the lawyer thinks, "That certainly doesn't look too good. I wonder what Door B has?"

Inside Door B the lawyer sees client after client passing lawyers by for other, unknown counsel. No matter how hard they try, no matter how many ambulances they chase, they can't secure a client. It doesn't take long for the lawyers to turn on each other, maiming and wounding one another in an effort to be the most attractive to the clients.

"Well, I certainly don't want to spend my eternity in this room of desperation and greed," the lawyer thinks. So what to do? Off to the side of the two doors, the lawyer sees another unmarked door. Curious, he sneaks a peek inside that room. Inside is a beautiful office filled with spectacular furnishings, state of the art equipment, piles of money, and the most gorgeous legal assistants you can imagine. The lawyers inside sit back and count their money while these wonderful assistants do all the work for them, and in no time at all!! If a lawyer complains of a headache, one of the beautiful assistants massages his temple. If a lawyer wants something to eat or drink, the legal assistant fetches it immediately. If a lawyer complains of sore feet, the legal assistant rubs his feet.

"Now THAT'S more like it!!" the lawyer says to himself.

When Satan returns awhile later, he asks the lawyer which door, A or B he wants to spend eternity in. The lawyer says, "Well, neither, Satan, but I did see this other door over here that looks pretty good. THAT'S where I want to spend eternity."

Satan says, "No, that's not an option."

The lawyer questions, "Why not? I was a lawyer, after all, and that room was filled with lawyer type stuff."

Satan chuckles. "No, you don't understand. You have to pick the hell for lawyers...that door is hell for legal assistants."

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