God summons St. Peter and says, "St. Peter, we have a problem. Heaven is
full. However, we have a number of high-profile candidates waiting at the Gates,
and we are suffering from falling popularity. So, I'm going to throw out Mother
Teresa and let in one of the celebrities at the gate. You'll have to go and
decide who is most suitable."
St. Peter goes down to the Pearly Gates and finds Freddie Mercury, Gianni
Versace, and Princess Diana waiting for him. He says, "I'm afraid I can only
let one of you in, so each of you must come up with a reason why you should
be admitted to Heaven."
Freddie Mercury says, "I've been gifted with one of the most beautiful
voices to ever grace the earth. I'll spend my time in Heaven singing praises to God
with the choirs of angels. Heaven will never have sounded better."
Gianni Versace says, "I was Earth's greatest designer. I will outfit the
cherubs and angels in all the latest fashions -- long silky gowns, satin
cloaks and nightwear spun from the very clouds we stand on. Heaven will never have
Diana blushes a little, looks around nervously and seems unable to find
something suitable to say. Suddenly, she strips off her skirt and panties,
whips out a bottle of Perrier, shakes it up and douches with it.
St. Peter says, "OK, Diana, you may enter. Have a nice day!"
Freddie and Gianni are mortified. "What's going on here?" Freddie cries. "We
could make heaven look and sound better than ever before, and she performs a
disgusting, pornographic act, but she gets in and we don't!"
St. Peter just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Sorry, guys, but a royal
flush beats a pair of queens any day."