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Newspaper Headlines
Date of Joke: Tuesday, 31st January, 2012

* Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

* British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands

* Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms

* Eye Drops off Shelf

* Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead

* Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim

* Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66

* Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax

* Stolen Painting Found by Tree

* Checkout Counter Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

* Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One

* Drunken Drivers Paid $1000

* If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While

* Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

* Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

* Deer Kill 17,000

* Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

* Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

* New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

* Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

* Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

* Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

* British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

* Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

* Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half

* New Vaccine May Contain Rabies

* Air Head Fired

* Steals Clock, Faces Time

* Prosecutor Releases Probe into Under-sheriff

* Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni

* Bank Drive-in Window Blocked by Board

* Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

* Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

* Sex Education Delayed, Teachers Request Training

* Include your Children when Baking Cookies

* Marv Albert Gets Pink Slip

* Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

* Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

* Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing

* Deaf College Opens Doors to Hearing


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