....the Big Bang woke him up.

....Mike Huckabee doesn't believe in evolution, but John McCain witnessed it.

....it takes an archeologist to dig up dirt on him.

....in 1st grade he only had to learn one continent on the flat earth.

....ALL parties were toga parties when he was in school.

....his library card says "Alexandria" on it.

....his copy of the Bible is autographed.

....he owes Moses twenty bucks.

....he remembers when Iraq was Mesopotamia.

....Joe Lieberman has to remind him not to refer to Iranians as "Proto-Elamites."

....he voted against funding the Pyramids.

....when the walls of Jericho fell down, he blocked legislation to rebuild.