Next time you have a bad day at work...think of this guy: Rob is a
commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana. He performs
underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an E-mail he sent
to his sister. She then sent it to Laughline, who was sponsoring a
"worst job experience" contest. Needless to say, she won.
Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother. Last week I had
bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling down lately at work,
so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to make you realize it's
not so bad after all.
Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
few technicalities of my job. As you know, my office lies at the bottom
of the sea. I wear a suit to the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of
year the water is quite cool. So what we do to keep warm is this: We
have a diesel powered industrial water heater. This $20,000 piece of
equipment sucks the water out of the sea. It heats it to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose,
which is taped to the air hose. Now this sounds like a darn good plan,
and I've used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get
to the bottom and start working, is take the hose and stuff it down the
back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like
working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my butt started to
itch. So, of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within
a few seconds my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my
back, but the damage was done. In agony I realized what had happened.
The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my
suit. Now since I don't have any hair on my back, the jellyfish couldn't
stick to it. However, the crack of my butt was not as fortunate. When I
scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the
jellyfish into my butt. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma
over the communicator. His instructions were unclear due to the fact
that he, along with 5 other divers, were all laughing hysterically.
Needless to say I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make 3 agonizing
in-water decompression stops totaling 35 minutes before I could reach
the surface to begin my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the
surface, I was wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of
the water, the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face,
handed me a tube of cream and told me to rub it on my butt as soon as I
got in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for
2 days because my butthole was swollen shut.
So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.