"Well, butter my butt and call me a biscuit."

"It's been hotter'n a goat's butt in a pepper patch."

"He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down."

"Have a cup of coffee, it's already been 'saucered and blowed.'"

"She's so stuck up, she'd drown in a rainstorm."

"It's so dry, the trees are bribing the dogs."

"My cow died last night so I don't need your bull."

"Don't pee down my back and tell me it's raining."

"He's as country as corn flakes."

"This is gooder'n grits."

"Busier than a cat covering crap on a marble floor."

"If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it."