Bad Metaphors from Stupid Student Essays
(actually these are mostly similes, see Literary Terms)
Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two other sides
gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like
underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
She caught your eye like one of those pointy hook latches that used to
dangle from screen doors and would fly up whenever you banged the door open
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling
McMurphy fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them
in hot grease.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the
grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left
Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19
p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a
Dr. Pepper can.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that
resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also
The thunder was ominous sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of
metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East
Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one
that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
The door had been forced, as forced as the dialogue during the interview
portion of "Jeopardy!"
Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan
just might work.
The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a
"Oh, Jason, take me!" she panted, her breasts heaving like a college
freshman on $1-a-beer night.
He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real
duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or
Her artistic sense was exquisitely refined, like someone who can tell butter
from "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter."
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just
before it throws up.
It came down the stairs looking very much like something no one had ever
The knife was as sharp as the tone used by Rep. Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex.)
in her first several points of parliamentary procedure made to Rep. Henry
Hyde (R-Ill.) in the House Judiciary Committee hearings on the impeachment
of President William Jefferson Clinton.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind
her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of
his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly
The dandelion swayed in the gentle breeze like an oscillating electric fan
set on medium.
It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power
He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she
were a garbage truck backing up.
She was as easy as the "TV Guide" crossword.
Her eyes were like limpid pools, only they had forgotten to put in any pH
She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli and he was room-temperature
She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
Her voice had that tense, grating quality, like a first-generation thermal
paper fax machine that needed a band tightened.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the
Every minute without you feels like 60 seconds.
The horizon swallowed the setting sun like a dog sucking an egg, but not