1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper
cup, and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with
your fingers covering the label.
ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything
prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at
the table... no matter how good his manners are.
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job
that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for
several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a
waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no,
as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the
taste of finger foods.
DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the
bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected
back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If
the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to
get her to school on time.
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up
immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests
have proven they can't hear you.
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with
a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for
this special occasion.
1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles; Even if the
gun is loaded, and the deer is in sight.
2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the
largest tires always has the right of way.
3. Never tow another car using panty hose and duct tape.
4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it
is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.
5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially
6. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral
TIPS FOR ALL OCCASIONS
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will,
it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the