WASHINGTON, DC (AP) -
Congress approved sweeping legislation, which provides new benefits for
many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act (AWNAA), signed into
law by President John Kerry shortly after its passage, is being hailed as
a major victory by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any
real skills or ambition.
"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and drive
necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in society," said
Kerry, a longtime AWNAA supporter.
"This is why many of them voted for me. We can no longer stand by and
allow People of Inability to be ridiculed and passed over. With this
legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant special favors to a
small group of workers, simply because they do a better job, or have some
idea of what they are doing", said Kerry.
President Kerry pointed to the success of the US Postal Service, which has
a long-standing policy of providing opportunity without regard to
performance. Approximately 80 percent of postal employees lack job skills,
making this agency the single largest US employer of Persons of Inability.
Private sector industries with good records of nondiscrimination against
the Inept include retail sales (72%), the airline industry (68%),and home
improvement "warehouse" stores (65%)
President Kerry has also set an example, personally selecting hundreds of
Nonabled people for top government positions, including many cabinet-level
Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million "middle
man" positions will be created, with important-sounding titles but little
real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of purpose and
Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given, to
guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees. The
legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations which maintain
a significant level of Persons of Inability in top positions, and gives a
tax credit to small and medium businesses that agree to hire one clueless
worker for every two talented hires.
Finally, the AWNAA contains tough new measures to make it more difficult
to discriminate against the Nonabled, banning discriminatory interview
questions such as "Do you have any goals for the future?" or "Do you have
any skills or experience which relate to this job?" and "Are you awake?"
"As a Nonabled person, I can't be expected to keep up with people who have
something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her position as a
lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, MI due to her lack of notable
job skills. "This new law should really help people like me." With the
passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented citizens can
finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.
Said Kerry, "It is our duty as lawmakers to provide each and every
American citizen, regardless of his or her adequacy, with some sort of
space to take up in this great nation."