Jokes Warehouse, Jokes, Joke, Joke of the Day

Animal Jokes   Blonde Jokes   Doctor Jokes   Drunk Jokes   Lawyer Jokes   Government Jokes

MAILING LIST
Enter your e-mail address, and click join!


jokes, joke of the day, joke
Jokes Warehouse, jokes, joke, joke of the day

Jokes, joke, joke of the day

Joke of the Day Mail List, jokes, joke, joke of the day

Submit a Joke, jokes, joke, joke of the day

Message Board. jokes, joke, joke of the day

Cartoons, jokes, joke, joke of the day

Feedback. jokes, joke, joke of the day

Advertising. jokes, joke, joke of the day

Privacy Statement

TELL A FRIEND
Enter your name, e-mail address and a friend's e-mail address and click Send...
Your name:

Your e-mail address:

Friends e-mail address:



Free Joke of the
Day Script


Joke Search
Bookmark Us
Links
Add Your Link
Link To Us
Webrings

Funny Pictures
Hilarious Pictures





What Shakespeare Really Meant
Date of Joke: Friday, 15th August, 2003

By Scott Roeben

was a very wise man. But you'd never know it because he used such fancy-schmancy words. Now our crack team of cunning linguists has translated a number of Shakespeare's quotes into modern day English. It's about time we were all able to enjoy the wit and wisdom of this oddly groomed scribe.

Self-love, my liege, is not so vile a sin, as self-neglecting.
Translation: We should masturbate more.

The weakest kind of fruit drops earliest to the ground.
Translation: Only fight sissies.

Great floods have flown from simple sources.
Translation: Never have sex with your girlfriend during her period.

The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.
Translation: Let's kill all the lawyers. Really.

Be to yourself as you would to your friend.
Translation: It's OK to sleep with your sister because your friend sure would.

Is the jay more precious than the lark because his feathers are more beautiful?
Translation: Good-looking strippers get bigger tips.

Have patience, and endure.
Translation: Use one of those numbing creams if you have to. Or try wearing five condoms at once.

I can express no kinder sign of love than this kind kiss.
Translation: First base is better than striking out altogether.

Men at some time are masters of their fate.
Translation: Get married and you're screwed.

They that thrive well take counsel of their friends.
Translation: If your drinking buddies say she's really a man, listen to them.

That man that hath a tongue, I say, is no man, if with his tongue he cannot win a woman.
Translation: If you're desperate to impress her, you can always resort to oral sex.

O, flatter me, for love delights in praises.
Translation: Honesty isn't necessarily the best policy when it comes to penis size.

The course of true love never did run smooth.
Translation: When dumping someone, always wear a protective cup.

I'll note you in my book of memory.
Translation: Don't expect me to call the day after.

Alas, poor world, what treasure hast thou lost.
Translation: Lap dances have actually been outlawed in some parts of the country.

Love's gentle spring doth always fresh remain.
Translation: With a little help from our friends at Massengill, that is.

Praising what is lost, makes the remembrance dear.
Translation: When you're telling your buddies about your conquests, exaggerate. A lot.

'Tis better to be brief than tedious.
Translation: Nooners rock.

My endeavors have ever come too short of my desires.
Translation: You've never had twins and you never will. Get over it.


To get jokes like this one in your email every day, sign up for our mailing list, in the top-right hand corner of this or any other page.

[Return to Jokes Index]