Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar.

Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby? They named him "Sum Ting Wong"

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other? A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast? They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this sh*t..."

Why is there no Disneyland in China? No one's tall enough to go on the good rides.

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
Ask your mom.

What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom?
Say, "Nice dick."

How do you know you're leading a sad life?
When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Are birth control pills deductible?
Only if they don't work.

What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
If we don't get some support soon, people are going to think we're nuts.

What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.